Many lawyers and their clients report that one thing that can stand in the way of estate planning is agreeing on who should be guardian of the children if both parents pass away.  You know your spouse will do his or her best as a single parent, but there's no way you're letting his brother/sister/parents have custody of your kids.  Problem is, he feels the same way about your choices.

Darlynn Morgan has a great blog post on this today.  She has some great questions to help you narrow down the list.  In our office we have a Guardianship Questionnaire that we hope couples will go over as they contemplate their estate planning choices.  Call if you'd like a copy.

Some of the questions on our Guardianship Questionnaire include:

Is this person healthy enough to raise your child?
Does this person have time to raise your child"
Do you find this person's lifestyle acceptable?
Does this person share your moral values?
Does this person share your views about the education of young people?

Of course, you and your spouse may still have vastly different answers to these questions, but this may help you to articulate your concerns. 

My colleague Dick Terrell Brown has some great suggestions to actually winnow down your choices to someone who might be acceptable to both of you.  Dick should post them on his own blog, but I can't see that he has, so here goes:

1.  List people who would be a better choice than the state's foster system.  (See my horror story below).

2.   Make a list of the parenting characteristics that are important to you, then pick 5.

3.  Rank the people in list 1 according to how they fit your top 5 characteristics from Step 2.

4.  Consider contingencies -- if a married couple is on your list, what should be done if they are divorced when the guardian is appointed?  What if one is dead or incapacitated?

Dick goes on to offer two other steps:

A.  List anyone who you definitely do not want to be your children's guardian, no matter what.
B.  If your choice of guardian does not live nearby, list someone who could be a temporary caregiver until your first choice can arrive.

If you can't agree, consider this scenario from my professional experience:

I represented the uncle of a boy whose parents died together in a
car accident.  Mom and Dad had been talking about a guardianship designation
but had put it off until after the trip that killed them.

Three people fought for guardianship of the boy:  My client, who was the dark horse
because he lived out of state, another relative who was very close to the boy but had
made questionable choices and there were doubts about the stability of her environment,
and relative of the boy's biological father who had given up all parental rights before Dad
had adopted the boy.  Relative 3 had no legal relation to the boy,
and could not really claim she and the boy were close but won guardianship based
on the opinion of an evaluator that the boy should stay in state and Aunt was
unstable.  No one was allowed to present evidence at the hearing.  The evaluator's
decision was accepted as gold.

The boy did not get to express his opinion in the matter, and the day of the
hearing he spent the morning throwing up because he was so upset at the
prospect of living with these people.

I don't know what Mom and Dad would have done, but had the boy even known
that his placement was based on Mom and Dad's wishes I think it would have eased
his burden.  

If you and your spouse cannot reach an agreement, this is a possible outcome for your family.  Does that help you reach a decision?